THAT’S A FUCKING STRAIGHT JACKET FOR BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DON’T ADD A LITTLE SMILEY FACE WITH SOME HEARTS AND PUT THE WORD SNUGGLE IN THERE THAT’S HORRIFYING
You guys have clearly never dealt with babies, it’s called swaddling you dumbasses and it helps calm a baby down and it makes it easier for a mother to hold onto/nurse a very fussy baby.
also it makes babies less likely to like poke themselves in their eyes or scratch their faces up with their demon infant nails
seriously, baby nails are incredibly sharp and a baby does not need to claw themselves up
swaddling is an ancient as fuck technique to keep your baby warm, safe, and calm (it simulates being held which helps make babies chill) and this particular invention means swaddling without all the fabric which will help keep babies cooler in warm climates, and also allow for changing diapers and the like without unswaddling them
sit yo asses down and learn to care for a small hairless human
”Now for the million dollar question.”
"Did you break the foot while riding the unicycle?"
"No, I didn’t."
"OH MAN, I thought I was going to have a great caption."
"Well, there is good news."
"I broke it playing Quidditch."
I have no words that could possibly make this any better.
Dad are you seriously doing this again
(He had to leave to get a different one because the yellow kept falling down)
"Hang on, let’s try something completely different."
"They say you can only do this one day of the year."
Dad, I am 800% done with you now.
my 10 favourite Disney movies:
10. The Jungle Book
Car sex just got a helluva lot easier.
two kinds of people.
you could put a dead body there and put a blanket on it and people would think they were just sleeping and it would be a great way to transport dead bodies inconspicuously.
* three kinds of people.
I don’t know why everyone is like, “taking sleep on his chest…”
Let me tell you: that makes my arm go numb, my neck hurt, and jabs him in the chest with my pointy chin.
Anonymous asked: [Anon with Asperger's again. Here's the basic gist of my first message to you.] Can you please stop using people with developmental disabilities as pawns to further your pro-life cause? I personally have Asperger's Syndrome, and I hate it when people treat me like I'm just a tool to use for their own political gain. I'm a human being, so why not treat me like one? Oh, and by the way, I often wish I had been aborted. So much for your stereotypes about developmentally disabled people.
Anonymous asked: How come you seem to be ignoring the message I sent you? (I'm the anon with Asperger's Syndrome.)
Hi! I don’t seem to have another message from you?
Sorry, but pinky promise I’m not ignoring you.